so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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