So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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