its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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