the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
