I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
