this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
