screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
