I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
