There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
this is an emotional support booty call
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
