Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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