JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
