i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
