I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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