I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
