Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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