i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
