I just made out with a guy for $7.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
