so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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