I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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