Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
