I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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