wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize