My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
