He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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