i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
