your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
