remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
