I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
