I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
