He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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