I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
