names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
