I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I deserve this hangover.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize