He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
