fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
