hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Randomize
