Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
We smell like vodka and hangover
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