i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
