you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
