The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
