is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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