some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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