So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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