Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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