wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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