Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
