in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
