Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
