Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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