never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
