so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
