my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
