Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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