Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
