If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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