she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
