Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
