i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
