1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
