You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
