I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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