I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize