My nipple is on Facebook.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
