Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You can't just leave with hair like that
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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