It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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