I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
