I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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