Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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