My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
