yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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