I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
