we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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