we have officially lost it.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It's official drugs can't kill me
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
