It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize