One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
