my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
