I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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