Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
