dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize