i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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