Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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