So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize