I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
