I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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