I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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