I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
