Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
