you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
