Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
