Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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