I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
