I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
